Meltdowns.

The hardest thing in this season has been learning how to deal with, and emotionally cope with Teddy’s meltdowns. We have two other kids. This isn’t our first rodeo. We know stubborn three year olds, and we know tantrums. But this is different. Teddy’s meltdowns are often sparked by something unknown to us. A switch flips and our sweet little boy is gone. Jack and I spend anywhere from 10 minutes to two hours passing him back and fourth, trying our best to protect him from hurting himself, all the while protecting ourselves from his lashing out. Sometimes only to calm him down for a few minutes in order for another meltdown to begin. We have often gotten angry. We have often dealt with it poorly. But, throughout this season, we’ve learned. We’ve found tools and created a system for working together to support Teddy when he can’t support himself.

We’ve learned so much, but our hearts still break. Every. Single. Time.

Though I’ve never experienced the triggers Teddy has, I can understand the meltdown world he goes into. As someone who has personally dealt with mental illness, I meltdown too. Mine meltdowns look different, but both his and mine lead me to the cross. I’m found on my knees, begging Jesus for his peace that surpasses understanding. He always delivers.

I’ve had comments as I’ve shared tidbits our story and my artwork. I’ve been told this collection doesn’t reflect the hardship we’re walking through. I see what is meant, as these pieces display a great calm, but I couldn’t disagree more.

While this is one of the most difficult seasons we’ve walked through (certainly as parents), it has also been the one I’ve experienced more peace than ever in my life. I shared with Jack the other day, my art has a way of helping me process and truly deal with my emotions. I’ve never in my life processed my emotions. Instead I’ve stuffed them, sometimes for years. Eventually, it always blows up in my face. I always crash and burn. In this season, I’ve learned something I’ve always needed to learn. I have begun to process, cope, and find peace -in the midst- of my emotions.

This piece speaks loudly of the peace I’ve experienced at the foot of the cross. I’ve been given a gift of creativity, and I believe strongly that gift is the Lord’s kindness, to bring healing to my heart and head.

My hope is that this piece brings you as much peace as it does me.