where do I go from here?

It’s a weird thing, to start the year sick. Covid has had such a heavy impact in recent weeks, on us all. I’ve been wrestling because I thrive in routine, but I’m far from it in this moment. With isolating from my family alone in my bedroom, kids not returning to school as scheduled, and the piles of half packed suitcases we haven’t addressed on the floor, I’m feeling pretty lost. Where do I go from here?

I’ve always been one to plan. A few steps ahead, always. But the way I planned 2021, I took almost the entire month of December “off” and didn’t even begin to think about what was next. With a long trip to England to conclude the year, I had hoped to start January refreshed and ready to give vision to 2022. Here I am, three days in, and I haven’t left my bedroom.

Thanks to some amazing other artists in my life, and the fact that my breathing has finally returned to almost normal, I was able to jot down some dreams and goals today.

I ordered my planner.

I’m taking a look at finances.

I’m planning collections.

I’m deciding how to best invest in myself.

Someone asked me the other day if running my business is a stressor. The answer, it’s the exact opposite. While to some, planning and creating todo lists might bring on anxiety, to me, it brings freedom. I’m thankful that now, in my thirties, it’s an aspect of my personality I can embrace and appreciate.

Reflecting on last year has opened my eyes to some fears of failure in the coming year, but I’ve taken the day to process and allow myself to see these “failures” as learning experiences instead. I cannot and will not let my fears hold me back from creating beauty and experiencing the joy that comes with living out what I feel called to do.

Where do I go from here? I go to tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Each as blank canvases with new beginnings. With a plan, but not one that ties me down, one that frees me up. I’m excited to say cheers to the new year, even if I accomplish nothing this week.